Change

I came across this quote through another blog which my 2nd brother recommended as an inspiration. I thought it was rather meaningful since I reflected upon myself when I was doing this particular Malay assignment which needed a family photo. It struck upon me how much I have changed in these few years.

Especially during the times in Hwa Chong.

Inevitably, negative changes were bound to occur on this 'vulnerable' period of time when impressions, malevolent or benevolent, were most likely be implanted, perhaps for lifetime, in this teen behind the screen now. I don't deny that I learnt more swear words now. I don't deny that I was expose to more sex-related terms. And I don't deny that I have learnt to manipulated truth now. HOWEVER, that does not certainly mean I have been using my new-founded vocabulary. In fact, I prided myself for being one of the class members who did not use the F word. :D

With puberty at work, maybe I tend to view stuff with a bit more seriousness. I take people's words to heart, I take note how people look at me, I tried to present myself in a cool, neat manner. Constantly struggling to portray myself as a flawless character in other people lives and more important in my own life. Sometimes changes makes you wonder if you are still yourself or you are changing to become your real self. Or perhaps, you are just someone who perpetually trying to change for the sake of changing. Change is the only constant. But the constant seemed to make me inconsistent in my thoughts and emotions.

Its nostalgic as I recalled how innocent and pure I was in my primary school times. Ignorance is bliss. Indeed it is. Looking at my own picture years ago, when I was a lot shorter, much more plump, with hair 1 cm long and face rounder and smaller, I could not help but wish I can experience the life I used to experience back then. Answering questions without thinking and still could be deemed as adorable. Getting scolded by teachers and still could be just as happy the next day. The carefree and innocence of me then was like a balloon floating up to the sky. You cannot get it back. But you still like to watch it drift slowly up to the blue, blue sky. Remembering the times when you once have it in your hands.